It's the final...conundrum

I have resigned myself to the fact that He is not interested now. Why should he be? After all, he said he didn’t want a relationship. He made me wait 3 weeks to see him after the first date and he got me. What more is there to have? Even if I act hardball now, which I’m trying really hard to do right now, the lack of messages, calls, tweets, anything, is a clear sign that he has had his fun and is now moving on. It hurts.

What adds more grief to this moment is that the last guy I was seeing is now having a proper relationship with what I can only describe as a “girl”. It’s pissing me off that this guy who I really liked dumped me and gave me “I don’t want a relationship with any woman” line and is now with this girl.

Guys say they like that I’m intelligent, sexy and all that but they don’t want me for the long term. They go for the silly little pathetic creatures that line this earth. So I have to ask what’s wrong with me? I know I can be too serious for my own good and I can’t be a silly little moron, but is that a bad thing? I am blunt, I am sexual, I am intelligent, but it freaks men out.

I always end up alone. It sounds pathetic but it’s true. I have to pick myself up, be strong and not show the hurt every day. It’s hard work but that’s the life I lead now.

I also figured out that guys love the strong looking me. However, when they are alone with me and see my eyes, they see that I actually have emotions flowing through these chocolate brown eyes. I’m not the cold hearted bitch seen in the daytime.

I don’t know if I can take the rejection anymore but I love the excitement of meeting a new man and flirting and getting to know him. I just don’t like the bit when they know nothing about me but presume they do and then run away.

How do I solve this conundrum? Be alone, or go through the maze of men to find someone decent?

Let's not play these games

The last few weeks have been filled with trepidation, longing, annoyance and unlimited patience. He was busy with his life and I was as well, but still wanted him to surprise me, seduce me and at least date me.

We met last night and he showed the same delicate touch as before. At the start of the night His lips brushed mine tenderly and his eyes, flashed wanting me, like a reflection of mine. But there was the game play that we had to contend with before we got to our destination.

He had already marked his territory via twitter a few days before when a guy flirted with me. This amused me. But what was more amusing was when said guy joined our group of friends for a night out. He was very close whenever, I was talking to guy.

Unfortunately, I had to contend with the green eyed monster in me when a notorious woman tried to make her moves on him. I try to act nonchalant with women hitting on men I date as I know I always seem to date the handsome casanovas in this world, but this woman had to be stopped. My explosion was fast and blunt but it had the desired effect. He moved next to me at the bar and kissed me. It is funny how that one gentle peck could set warning bells to others and reassure me of his commitment to me (for that night at least).

But why did we have to do this game play. Why did we feel we had to flirt with others? Was it to show we didn't need or want each other? The time we spent with them could have been spent with each other chatting, touching and exploring instead. We had already established I was spending the night with him and I even had my toothbrush in my bag! Why couldn't we enjoy those precious moments together?

Will these games continue and for how long? He has said he wants to see me again in two days time. I don't trust him after the last two times of asking me out then cancelling on me, so I am not putting my hopes up but I know I will be daydreaming nonetheless.

The other issue is now that I'm falling for him. His seductive charm and touch is grabbing a hold of me and not letting go. I have a feeling I am seducing him as well, but I don't think it is as powerful as his.

I am pessimistic this won't last but I should enjoy it while it does, games or no games.